Hollywood Riot

So here we are in a recession. Not sure if it’s the billions of dollars we’ve been throwing at fictional WMD’s for five years or what, but our economy has definitely seen better days (like when Clinton was president). Whatever, the point is that times are tough. And when the going gets tough, the poor get going… to McDonalds.

Well, everyone except Ronald, of course. He’s gettin’ fat and happy off the “99 cent recession menu”. But don’t think he’s ordering off it. “No way, that shit is nasty,” he said as he was spotted walking out of the Whole Foods in Sacramento. He then added, “The recession? I’m lovin’ it.”

While America spirals into a bottomless pit of despair, fast food is playing the hero. 99 cents is all the guy who just lost his house, car, and job can afford to pay for a meal. Especially now that he has to sell pints of blood to buy booze. A Big Mac for a buck sounds like a blessing from above. Might as well put a cape on it and call it Super Mac.

But while that poor chump eats Grade F sizzler and mystery fish from the bargain barge, little does he know it’s only contributing to his woes. By now, he probably doesn’t even care that he just gained 12 pounds from eating one sandwich and that, in addition to being homeless and broke, he’s also overdosing on trans fat.

Knowing full well that you are what you eat, how does ol’ Ronny boy sleep at night knowing he’s clogging arteries and busting pant seams the world over? Doesn’t he even care a little bit?
No, he doesn’t. Because he eats free-range, organic steak from Whole Foods. He feels freakin’ great.

“Somebody’s got to feed those hopeless people,” Call-me-Ron said when asked about his customers. “Might as well be me. Hardy har, kids! Dad’s broke — have a Happy Meal!”

Share the Good Times at Hollywood Riot