Hollywood Riot

We feel bad enough for kids these days. Never-ending war, crappy economy, metal detectors at school … now, America’s youth faces an even bleaker future. With the advent of an Orwellian tracking system, teenagedom’s one saving grace is in jeopardy: the fake ID. The kids need their fake IDs. As it stands now, hundreds of them will taste a bullet before a beer.

The Dept. of Homeland Security’s “Real ID” plan goes like this: state taxpayers shell out a small fortune to adopt a new driver’s license replete with all kinds of sweet security features that guarantee no underage terrorist will ever, ever, ever be able to buy a bottle of grape pucker at 7-11 again. Please understand, these radicals strive for federal compliance in all avenues of life. They would never think of living here, secretly, without a Real ID, so this plan will definitely work. Of course, no one over the age of 50 will be issued one of these Real ID’s right away because mature people don’t play Jihad.

Not all states are blindly following suit. Montana, South Carolina, California, and New Hampshire have either ruled out the Real ID completely or given vague assurances but no promises. They argue that it’s too expensive and doesn’t make us any safer - this is a Bush administration plan? - but the DHS doesn’t really care. If states fail to apply for an extension on adopting the Real ID by the end of March, the citizens in said state might not be able to leave their belligerent homes at all. Get a load of this asshole:

“Their residents no longer can use a driver’s licenses as valid identification to board airplanes or enter federal buildings beginning in May, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has warned. They would have to present a passport or be subjected to secondary screening.”

Welcome to your democrazy.

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