Hollywood Riot

We can’t change history (yet), so let’s stop worrying about the mistakes our idiot ancestors made. We’re moving on. In honor of the late Arthur C. Clarke, let us turn our gaze to future prospects of mankind. Where will we go? Who will we meet? Here are a few predictions.

The Future of Mankind …

• In the year 2030, a psychic on Robertson Blvd. will make mental contact with an evil alien being several million light years away. The fortune teller will learn all of the universe’s great secrets from the alien, which includes a succulent recipe for sweet rolls. He becomes the richest man in the world, as the Earth’s youth becomes grossly overweight. At last, he is arrested for shooting a “Thank You” rocket to the alien … full of plump and tasty schoolchildren.
  
• World War VI will feature less death than previous World Wars, but will be more expensive due to Robot Hitler’s lengthy contract negotiations.
• In the year 3000, Baby Jessica will return to the Well and attempt to destroy it with her Army of Light. Unfortunately, the Well wins again.
  
• The Great Thorny Pole of Toledo is completed in 2175, fulfilling an arcane and greatly misunderstood promise of Ohio’s mentally ill founding fathers.
• Mankind will visit a distant planet in the year 2305. As planned, we will leave Carrot Top behind.
  

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