Hollywood Riot

What do you do when you’re 19 years old, a sophomore in college, involved in a popular fraternity, majoring in criminal justice, and hard-up for cash?

Get a job at the student union or the local burger joint?

Hell no. You sell meth!
It pays a lot better.

This week, federal agents raided San Diego State and arrested 96 people (75 of them students) on charges of some pretty serious drug trafficking. These guys weren’t selling dime bags of weed to medical marijuana users – no, they were selling (a lot of) cocaine, meth, ecstasy, prescription painkillers… you know, the hard stuff. And they had a bunch of guns and a fat stack of cash, too. They even had Amy Winehouse’s personal cell number.

But you know what they didn’t have? Student loan balances. Zing!

Some may say these 75 students at San Diego State were just drug-dealing scumbags by nature. Some may say that fraternities are breeding grounds for morally reprehensible behavior. I’d suggest a combination of the two, along with a healthy dash of opportunistic lessons from Corporate America thrown in.

These guys saw an opening in a money-making market – a niche if you will, and jumped on it. Maybe they learned that in Business 101, which I’m sure they all got A’s in. Or maybe from watching MSNBC. Or taking notes on Big Business and the U.S. government. After all, isn’t that what we’re teaching them – that it’s all about money – who cares how you make it, or who you hurt, as long as you’re raking in the benjis?

Now I’m not saying these boys shouldn’t be in trouble. But let’s just remember they are frat boys after all. They’re really, really, really stupid. They sent a mass text message about a “cocaine sale” for crying out loud! [Attn faithful customers, me & my associates will be out of town for the weekend. Better stock up now -we've got bargain basement prices on blow!] Who does that?

Frat boys, at least in my experience, are very rarely able to think for themselves. Kind of like Marines. I liken them to sheep. Have you ever heard what happens on fraternity “hell nights” (usually involves a goat, a piece of toast, and 15 kegs of beer)? No self-respecting individual would succumb to that. Even if it meant they would be the next President of the United States (I’m talking ’bout you, W – you old Skull and Bonesman). Again with the zing!

After all, W sold cocaine when he was in a fraternity. Oh wait… my mistake, he just snorted a lot of it. According to some, he still does… in the White House.

I wonder if he got the text message about the cocaine sale?

All that’s beside the point. The point is — I’m thinking San Diego State might want to add a new course to their business curriculum next year… Hard Drug Trafficking 101 or something like that. Course description: Learn the ins and outs of this profitable business, what not to do (text messaging with drug prices), and how to fly under the radar instead of all over it.

Starla, Out.

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