Hollywood Riot

I can’t decide whether to feel bad for this guy or laugh at him. Seriously, it’s just so sad. I mean, every little kid who has ever been to a birthday party knows you can’t let go of a helium balloon and expect it to stay put. It’s filled with helium for crying out loud.

French skydiver Michael Fournier was mortally embarrassed this morning as his high-altitude helium balloon - the one he was supposed to skydive out of in the stratosphere (the real stratosphere, not the ride in Vegas)- escaped the grasps of his obviously-retarded flight crew. I mean, didn’t he check these guys out before he handed his multi-million dollar space balloon over to them? Didn’t he make them read this?

Fournier was supposed to set a bunch of world records with his 40,000 km jump from the edge of space. He spent his life savings, sold all of his possessions, and spent the last 20 years preparing for this. But all he managed to do was watch the balloon float up, up, and away without him in it. He was supposed to be in it! At least he didn’t stake all his hopes and dreams on that little bitty space balloon. Oh wait, he did. Fournier has made the jump his life’s work at a cost of nearly $20 million.

It’s probably just as well. If anything went wrong up there, which it undoubtedly would have, his blood would have boiled for crying out loud. Let me repeat that - his blood would have boiled. Boiled, like soup, or some old guy’s ass.

Maybe the balloon’s escape was God’s way of saying, “Hey moron, you don’t belong up here. Stay on the ground where I putcha.”

Or like I said before, maybe his flight crew was just retarded.

Either way, Frenchy is pissed.

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