Hollywood Riot

Looks like California is continuing the “So, This is What Freedom Looks Like” campaign by legalizing same-sex unions. I guess they figured now that medicinal marijuana is legal and not a single baby has been eaten by a stoned mother, it’s safe to assume legalizing gay unions will not slippery slope marriage right off the globe either. People will not be allowed to marry just anything (no matter how much you love your goddamn iPhone).

Octogenarians Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin were the first, and hopefully oldest, couple to get legally married in San Francisco last week. Thanks to Cinemax, I pictured same-sex marriage being… sexier. Anyway, we wish them a happy honeymoon at Ensure® World Senior Fun Center in delightful (but not too delightful) Tampa Bay, Florida.

Ah, Phyllis and Del. You ancient temptresses. Your courtship has lasted 55 years and things sure aren’t slowing down now that you’re married. Keep it hot, ladies. I’m sure those hard-luck farmers in Iowa are going to be delighted to hear about your story of love and determination, which will in turn take their minds off of ruined crops and floating barns. You see, hope springs eternal in the heart of an Iowan corn farmer, so they say, as it does in the heart of every oppressed citizen. Your courage and longevity is no doubt an inspiration. That said…

Please, never kiss each other in public again. Ever.

Thanks and best of luck!!

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